Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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