Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
