There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
