So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
