Small penises have feelings too.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
