paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm jealous of your bromance
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
