I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
