You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
