"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sarcasm needs its own font
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
