Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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