I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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