Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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