fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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