It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
