So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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