I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
