I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
