I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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