This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
