Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
