Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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