i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
