tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
