i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
