oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
