You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
