fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
