I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
