lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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