Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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