i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need water and some morals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
