I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
