Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
