Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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