Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
