And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
