I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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