I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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