She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
