It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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