She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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