Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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