when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
