I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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