I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
