yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
