I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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