Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
