I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
