I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
