it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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