thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
