I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
