are you so shy because you have an std?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
