THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I lost the right to judge tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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