hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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